Death. If I had to sum up the time span between this time last year and the present, “death” is without a doubt the word I would choose. Today’s death though, hit me a lot harder than I had anticipated.
I wish to remember you in the most beautiful light possible, because that’s what you deserve. But, at the present moment all I can manage is the most recent way I saw you, which was you laying literally on your deathbed. Your hair all gone, the pigment in your skin was slowly, but aggressively leaving your body with every passing second, your eyes glazed over. The image with you like this is burned into my memory and preventing every other gorgeous image of you to take the back burner.
I want this post, in no way shape or form, to be a mournful, pity party post because that’s not what you would want, that’s not who you are.
First and foremost, I want to thank you. I want to thank you for sitting next to my mom at that parent function way back in second grade. I want to thank you for giving my mom the best possible friend every waking second of each day ever since that moment. Thank you for not letting my mom kill me when I’m sure she wanted to. Thank you for loving my mom, guiding her, giving her a shoulder to cry on, laughs, and even better memories. But also, thank you for showing me how a best friend is supposed to be treated/treat you. You were sarcastic, witty, beautiful, a wonderful mother to your son, wife, and many more things.
I know I can’t help my mom through your loss, but please don’t ever leave her. Give her things to remember you by each and every day, no matter how small. Don’t ever stop being that little voice inside her head. My mom feels so alone right now, and I don’t know how to help. You were the only person who knew how to fulfill those crevasses.
While the cancer may have won, your fight was tremendous and for that you’re my idol.
Rest easy and fly high