It’s been almost five years since I’ve seen your name pop up on my phone. Five long years of built up hurt and resentment of the way things ended. Don’t get me wrong, I’m the happiest I’ve ever been in a relationship thus far in my life, but I can’t help but think how broken and messed up everything was… Some things that happen in the past are better there, but when I received a message from you on Facebook, it all came flooding back: the bruises, the tears, the constant hollow eyes, everything. After a year of never hearing from you, I kind of assumed an apology was never going to happen. I accepted that it happened, the way it ended, and by all accounts I moved on with my life. But WHY after almost 5 years do you think that sending a casual Facebook apology message is going to make it all better?
You know what though? I’m happy you did. I’m happy that you finally got off your high horse and admitted what you did and how messed up you made me. Back when you left me, I didn’t even recognize the person I had become, but now looking back on it, it was the best possible learning experience that I could have had. Sure it could have been without the beatings, blood, and constant insults, but because of this I am fully aware of how love is supposed to look and how what you did to me was wrong. While I’ll never forget what I went through, I fully believe that I’m a stronger person because of everything that happened between you and I. I finally got to say what I was thinking without the fear of being punished for having an opinion.
So I guess in it’s own twisted way, thank you for leaving me. Thank you for leaving me so broken that I was forced to put myself back together different than I was before because the pieces of me no longer fit together how they used to.
But to answer your question, “why can’t you fix me?” I wasn’t ever broken, I just wasn’t put together the way that you wanted.